Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
