Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
