Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
