No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize