I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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