): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
