I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize