you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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