I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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