i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
