Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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