the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Boobs are out for the taking
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
