Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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