My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
