I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize