3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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