Your tits are I can't wait for
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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