Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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