She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Randomize
