I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
we should paint friendship bongs
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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