I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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