Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
he fucked my hip out of place.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
