People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
