Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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