You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
