Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
