Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
