Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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