I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
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