at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
