Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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