please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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