so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
