Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
