he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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