You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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