My Higher Power is John Stamos
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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