Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You were trust falling into bushes
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