I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
