RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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