I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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