it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
