"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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