So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
