you guys were way drunker than both of me
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
