Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize