yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
