I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He better not be in your backpack
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
