I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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