my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
