My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
