ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
