Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
