She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
