so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
