I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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