my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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