Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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