do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
