The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
