the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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