You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
