i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize