Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
