The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
