Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
