WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
