i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
