Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm bleeding and have questions
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
