So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
