I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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