he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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