Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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