My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
