a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
