id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
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