I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
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