What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
