He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Randomize
