The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
