I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
