Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
