Apparently you make a good broom.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
