you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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