thus making me awesome and them whores
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
