Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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