I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
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