I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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