I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize