Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
