im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
