im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
