Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
