hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
