There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
