I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
