She went from zero to smokin in five shots
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
