My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
