Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
His hands were made for my vagina.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize