And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
