A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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