You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
