The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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